Sunday, May 20, 2012

I am in AWE


I'm trying to figure out this whole being a mom and working thing. Its hard. I imagine some of my feelings are because I spent 7 years (almost literally my last of work before having Bug was Feb 25 2005 and my first day back this year was Feb 29 2012) being devoted to my children, husband and home. Having enough hours in the day with work and family and social stuff is hard to figure out. Let alone adding in me time (AKA running) in there as well. Some days it feels like I need at least another two hours added to my day. I will not sleep less since I have worked out a very happy and well working routine on that account. I'm sure those extra hours would just get filled up with stuff.

I imagine it would easier if I had a steady shifts. I'm not an office person I don't do 9-5 type of shifts. Plus I only usually get my schedule 1 to 2 weeks in advance so I can't guarantee training days. I'm sure I could get a rough idea of what is needed each week and go from there.

Sure I found time for myself and it was easy then, honestly. I deserved the Mom's Nights Out with friends, the time it took to train for PB in races. Now I feel guilty about not coming home straight from work because if I do so I'll miss bedtime. I feel guilty when I want to take time for me because I should being spending it with my family who I now see less of. My husband is fantastic in all of this btw. He's constantly reminding me that its ok to be more than just a mom and a worker. I can be me. I should be me and keep up my running and hobbies (After all those project half done around the house need to be finished)

Is there ever a point when I will be ok with taking so much time away? I'm sure there will be and it won't be far off. After all the boys are growing up, I'm not their whole world anymore and someday they won't shout "Mommy!" when I walk in the door. I will take the time to cherish it while I can. I will try to remember that I am a better Mom when I take care of me first.

and Yes I am fully aware that is is somewhat all over the place. All 3 of my boys and Shorty are camping this weekend (I couldn't go because of work) and I miss all of them. But I will definitely be getting a run in tomorrow since I'll be on my own, guilt free.


  1. Glad to see you blogging again. :) Sorry I didn't welcome you back right away. I've been a bit slow in the blogosphere myself the last few weeks.

    I think it will take a bit longer to find the balance between working and training. Don't be too hard on yourself. When the boys are older, it will be easier, because they'll probaly have their own activities, but in some ways, it might be harder to get in the family time.